I will always be by your side - In good and in bad
by Shadowdancer125
Summary: This is modern story from Fili and Kili and their living in our times London. No dragons and orcs, just surviving death of their parents and normal problems in different ways. In good ways and in bad ways. Includes own characters and some drugs and alcohol. Protective Fili and Thorin, angst, stubborn Kili with sleeping problems etc.
1. Brothers

**I will always be by your side – in good and in bad**

Chapter 1

Kili woke up at early morning. There were already sounds from kitchen, Fili was already up. He glanced at the pointers of a clock. It was just eight in the morning. He bowed his head back to the pillow, hoping to get more sleep.

He had slept very badly last night, again. The nightmares had awakened him from time to time. Nightmares, in which he again and again saw their parents die. He sighed and turned over. It was already five years from their death, why did not he get peace from it?

He closed his eyes and fell into restless sleep again. The peace did not last long when he woke up again crying out to their parents. "No, no, no! This cannot be true!" He screamed and woke up crying. Fili rushed into his room. "Kili, are you okay? I heard when you shouted." He said and looked at Kili a source of anxiety in the eye. Kili was crying again. "The same nightmare again?" He then went on and sat by the edge of his little brother's bed. Kili nodded and wiped his eyes. "Woe to you. Do you want to talk about it?" Fili then asked and hugged his brother. Kili hugged him back and shook his head with a sigh. "It's not helping. I have many times spoken to you about the dream, and it's not still lost anywhere."

Fili nodded. "I understand. Do you want coffee? It has just been cooked." Kili nodded to his big brother. It's useless to him to try to sleep at all when there is no clearly came to nothing. Maybe the next night would be better. "Yeah, I can take." Kili said to his brother and rose out of the bed, following his brother into the kitchen. He sat down at the table and Fili brought him a cup of coffee.

Kili thanked and opened today's paper, noticing a big story on the front page of their uncle's just started a self - defense school. In there their uncle would teach karate, judo and taekwondo. Kili smiled to himself. The great thing is that the thing had been so soon to printing press, it would make good on their uncle's transactions. Uncle Thorin had also taught them all of those, but now neither of them was for a long time had a chance to practice any of them, because the school took so much of their time.

Kili studied at St. Mary's educational school for the second year. He should continue it for one more year because of absenteeism was so much, that he should not in any complete all study weeks before the end of this semester. His teacher was called him just last week and reported from thing.

There's no problem. Yes, Kili had already guessed it, when absences only were accumulated and homework no properly motivated him. Sleeping problems didn't especially help him in it. Often, he was so tired after school that he couldn't focus on the difficult homework. Fortunately, today was Sunday, not until tomorrow has to go back to school.

Fili, whereas, conscientiously concentrating on his studies. He was in Mr. Wikkon's university and would be completed after the year. Earlier, Fili had completed a youth worker diploma in vocational school and was now studying more concerning it. He would certainly become good youth worker. He came along so well with people and knew how to listen to their concerns and giving advices. He was often helped also Kili forward. In addition to studying Fili made sometimes shifts in a grill what was nearby their home.

Parent's death had been a hard place for both, but especially Kili had had difficulty to accepting it. Especially, as they were living with uncle Thorin, which Kili had never been particularly good relationship. Maybe it was the fact that they were very similar. Both were short-tempered and outspoken.

Fili was often forced to pacify them, that they would not have said terrible things to each other that neither of them would have ever been able to give them to forgive one another. Yes, Kili loved Thorin, certainly as much as Fili, but he simply does not always taken control of his uncle.

While Kili was restless and short-tempered, Fili was reasonable and calm. He was often calmed down some crazy plans of his brother and helped Kili to consider certain consequences.

On the other hand Kili had cheered up his brother and taught him to live in an instant. They were very different, but that is why they certainly complemented each other so well. In addition, they had similar sense of humor and interests: Martial arts and music. Both consider the metal and rock music, but enjoyed just as much in nightclubs, where played the latest chart hits. In London had many good bars and nightclubs.

If they wanted happening in their lives, they went to Devils – club and if they wanted to take after a hard day a few frosty talking this and that, they ended up usually Rockswille's beer bar, where played Metallica, Avenged Sevenfold, etc. music. Kili was 18 years old, and Fili was 23. Despite the difference in age, they had always been very close and supported each other in every aspect of.

Kili sipped his coffee and motioned Fili for him. "Did you already saw the story of uncle's transactions?" He asked with a smile and turned to look at his older brother. Fili came to the table a coffee mug in his own hand too. "I did not have had time to read the daily newspaper yet. What does it say?" I showed him the newspaper and Fili read quickly the story. "Well, well, this is great! I hope he gets a lot of new people with." I nodded with a smile, and then the phone rang.

It was Milo who called. He was my best friend from school. "Hi there! You have wakened early. What's going?" I replied with a smile. In general, he called at afternoon and was then only just got out of bed. "Hi…" He said, with a trembling voice.

I became worried. All was not okay now. "What's up, Milo? You sound kind of weird." I asked him gently. Fili looked at me questioningly. He, too, knew Milo and his best friend, Arez. I looked at him and shrugged my shoulders questioningly. Milo sobbed and continued: "My parents… They, they, they had killed each other." He said voice trembled and burst into tears. I turned pale with fright. Oh no! It cannot be true. They had been alcoholics, but still… "No way. Where are you? What happened?"

He sobbed in phone. "I… I am at home. I just found them. I already called to Arez and the police. They are coming." Wave of compassion swept over me. Fili looked at me more questioningly and I whispered to him, call interspersed with tears in my eyes: "Milo's parents are dead. They have killed each other." Fili looked at me with shock and his face turned pale. "Calm down, Milo. We, too, will get there. We'll be there in five minutes." I told him in the phone and at the same time pulled the jacket on me and pushed the front door open Fili behind me. "Yeah. Come quickly, please. I do not want to be alone." He said and then burst into heartbreaking sob.

I nodded to the phone at the same time, saying: "We'll get there. Don't worry." Milo just cried and then closed the phone. Concerned I tried to call back, but he didn't answer any more. Maybe the police or Arez had come… I was hoping in my mind and concern overshadowed me.

Finally we reached Fili's yellow old Camaro and jumped on it. Fili was driving. "What? Are Milo's parents really killed each other?" Fili asked in shock. "Apparently, because he just cried on the phone. Soon, we must hurry." I replied quickly voice filled with concern. Fili nodded and turned the ignition key, the engine will start growled.

Milo's parents lived in the east side of city. We, too, lived there, so the trip would only take about five minutes by car. Milo himself lived with Arez in the west side of the city. Apparently, Milo had been partying here and at the same time decided to go see his parents.

At last we arrived at the door of Milo's parents' home. The police and ambulance were already there. Yellow insulating tapes shut down access to a small single-family house, but we went to the yard in spite of them.

We tried the door, it was open. We breathed deeply and entered. "Stop! Who's there? It's forbidden to enter here." There was a sound of police and armed police came to us. We raised our hands up. "Hey, calm down. We are friends of Milo. Where is he? How is he?" I shouted to him.

The police was looking for us skeptical when Fili patted my shoulders soothingly and spoke: "Indeed. We are not any weird stalkers. Milo called to my brother while ago and asked us to come here. Where is he? My name is Fili Durin and this is my brother Kili." He introduced us and gave police his driver's license. Police nodded and called another police. They glanced at Fili's driver's license, and then us, and handed the card back finally. Fili thanked them and the police waved them along. "This way, please."

_**Authors note: Okay! Here is my new story I will always be by your side - In good and in bad. It's modern story from Fili and Kili and their living in our times London. I hope that you like it at least it's so different than my other stories. Please, read and tell me what did you like the opening chapter.**_

_**Milo and Arez are my own characters, I create them like 8 or 9 yeras ago and I have use them in my own story and in my art since then. Now I decide to put them here, because I thought they could suit in this story.**_

_**You who live in London, please don't be angry to me if something isn't correct, because I have never been in London, although I have always wanted to visiting there. And you can tell me tips from local culture, if you want :) I would appreciate them so much :)**_

_**Okay, here it starts. I will always be by your side - In good and in bad for you :) This will be very long multi chapter story, I think. I've got lots of ideas :) Hope you like it :)**_


	2. Shock

Chapter. 2

Fili and Kili walked through the hallway, following the police. First, they passed the messy kitchen. Dishes billowed over the sides of the sink and on the floor were broken crockeries. The kitchen cabinets were open and the drawers were on the floor. Here and there was a fork-, spoon- and knife masses. The floor was full of fragments, even the window was broken.

Kili shuddered. Soon, they must pass a living room, where Milo's parents laid dead. "Do not look." Fili whispered to his brother, as they walked past the living room. Of course, Kili had to watch. He was shocked.

Milo's mother laid on the floor a bread knife in his back, it had to punctured lung from behind. The woman's face was on the floor and blond hair framed a large, dark red blood smudge.

Milo's father laid on the floor a knife in his stomach. The man's eyes stared into nothingness, and his face was frozen, but somehow calm. Milo's father had had to first kill Milo's mother and then himself.

Fili pressed his hand on his little brother's shoulders and then said to him: "Come on. Milo needs us." Kili nodded slowly. Yes. He had to calm down now. Milo needed them.

At last they arrived into Milo's room. He sat in shock on his bed with an older officer, staring at the floor. Kili was the first who rushed over to him. "Milo, I'm so sorry." He whispered and wrapped his arms around his old friend. Milo stayed still, glassy look in his eyes.

He could not believe that. First, he had lost his beloved little brother because of leukemia and now his parents were also dead. He was alone. Suddenly, sobs began to shake his slim body. He bowed his head against Kili's chest and gave the cry come.

Fili's heart ached to see his little brother's dear friend like that. He sat on the bed next to him with a sigh and circled his left arm around his shoulders. Senior Constable eyed young people with a sigh. No one should ever have such of experience. He changed gaze with a blond young man, who nodded. The officer nodded back and got up to returning the crime scene.

Kili's feet become numb, but he did not care. He just hugged his friend and wanted to show to this his support. Milo's sobs shook them both. Kili stroked soothingly Milo's spiky, blue hair and turned his gaze to his big brother. Also Fili's eyes were full of tears. Kili sighed and returned his gaze down. He did not last to see his brother so sad. He always take care so hard of others, that he forgot himself.

Soon Milo's room door opened and all turned their gaze. Arez had arrived. Kili rose in front of Milo and looked with aching heart when Arez ran crying to his best friend and took this into a tight hug. Both sobbed. How would Milo properly surviving out of this? Kili went to sit on the other side of Milo and put his right hand on his shoulder. All were silent. Only dispersed sobs broke the silence.

The silence had lasted for some time, when Arez broke it. "Should we live? Milo should not be here." Fili and Kili startled. Arez was right. "You're right" Fili said. "We should go." He then went on and stood up. Kili did the same. Milo looked up questioningly to Arez. "Let's get out of here." He said softly and smiled sadly. Milo nodded and Arez helped him up. The young men went to head towards the front door. Senior Constable came against them. "We're taking Milo out of here. Here is the address and telephone number of us may be reached." Police nodded and received the note what Arez handed to him. Then they went out from this terrible place.

Fili, Kili, Arez and Milo arrived to Fili's car and went up. Fili and Kili were sitting in front of and Milo and Arez settled in the back. Fili started the engine in silence and gassed off from Milo's parents place. "Where are we driving?" He asked, glancing at Arez questioningly. "Let's go to my parents' home. They are travelling, but there at least we can be at peace." Fili nodded and went on to drive towards house of Arez's parents. It was about ten minutes away from central of London. The journey seemed to take forever, but finally they arrived at the destination.

Arez's parents' home was a wonderful, large detached house in a beautiful location. It was surrounded by a garden with a wide variety of beautiful flowers. Kili had always admired the house. Arez's mother loved gardening; it was a counterweight to her work. Arez's mother owned a very successful beauty salon in the central of London. While Arez's father working the bank's director in a London's central bank, so they had no shortage of petty cash.

Arez lead Milo into the house and brothers drove to the car park. Soon they, too, went inside. The house was just as stylish inside, and out. The décor was minimalist, modern and elegant. Black and white worked as the dominant colors. The prevailing concept was refreshed with dark red and purple. There was no sign speck of dust. The boys went to Arez's room, which was located on the upper floor, and sat down. Arez and Milo were on the Arez's bed and Fili and Kili were sitting in a soft carpet in front of them. All were silent, only the wind whispered through the open window melancholic tunes to.

The boys were silent for a long time. No one knew what would have to say or do. Finally, Milo was the one who broke the silence: "Well, that's that then. I would not have believed that their story would end this harsh way." Other listened in silence, Milo's voice was calm. Too calm.

After a moment of silence Milo continued his speaking with a quiet voice. "They fought so often… Mom called me at night. He was scared, but I only put it into peak of drunkenness and into some small fight. If only I had known…" Milo's voice broke, and he buried his face into his hands. "What evil have I done, that I've lost my whole family? Surely it was not family of dreams… But it was family." He continued to speak between of sobs.

Fili and Kili exchanged gaze. They only could imagine how their friend felt. No one knew how to comfort a crying young man. Perhaps the words of comfort not found right now… Fili thought over the way, and his thoughts turned to their parents. He had not thought about them for some time. Not as much as now. He wondered how his parents would have act in this situation. But they were gone. A drunk driver had ended their lives already five years ago.

Fili turned his eyes towards his younger brother, and knew that he will think the same thing. His expression was the same as it had been in the morning after a nightmare. How Kili still had so much nightmares of it? They were felt to be getting worse over time.

Maybe it was the fact that just prior to their parent's departure Kili had had a big fight with his father. Fili did not remembered what was the beginning of the fight, but Kili's last words to his father were something like that: _"You don't understand anything! How could you?! I hope I would never have to see you again!" _Fili was trying to go with his mother to calm the situation, as many times before, but things just happened.

Kili had left to run away from home. Fili and his father had gone after him, but his mother had prevented them, saying: _"He will come back. Let him calm down for a while. This has happened so many times before." _Fili and his father had agreed. Dis had always known how they should work when Kili was angry from something. Kili had always been very restless and inconsiderate. Every time he got to be a moment in peace, he had returned to apologize. This time, he just had not had time to do it.

_**Authors note: Hello! Here it is, chapter 2! :) Hope you like it. Thanks for follows and favourites, please review and tell me what did you like and what you didn't like, they would help me so much :)**_

_**Next time more Kili and Milo and not so good ways to handle things. Keep going and hugs! :)**_


	3. Guilt, pain and alcohol

Part. 3

Milo lay still on the Arez's room floor staring at the roof. He couldn't sleep. Things rotate too much in his mind. During the day there had been too much. And now his parents were really gone. They do not ever come back.

Milo sighed and glanced at sleeping Arez, Fili and Kili. They, too, had decided to stay for the night to support him, which was probably a good thing? Milo was not sure. Preferably, he would have been alone for now.

Milo sat up with a sigh: The pain and guilt weighing him. If he only had gone to visit his mother's and father's home at night when his mother had rang him… If he only had figured out, that thing had had really serious… But no. He had been stupid and selfish and now it was too late.

Kili moved on the mattress next to him. Milo turned toward his friend and found out that he also stared into nothingness. "Don't you get any sleep?" He whispered to his friend. Kili flinched and then turned toward him. "No, I can't. How are you?" His friend asked and turned his tired eyes toward Milo's as tired. Milo shook his head and then got a wild idea, which was not surprising. He wanted to forget the pain for a while and knew Kili accepting.

Milo rose quietly stood up and gestured Kili to follow himself. Kili looked at him in astonishment, but then decided to get up. Perhaps Milo would like to talk to him. He went on to follow the blue-haired friend of him out of the Arez's room leaving his brother and Arez to sleep. Fortunately, even they were able to sleep.

Milo led him downstairs and from there to the fireplace room which was on the basement. Kili looked at him questioningly and then Milo sat down on the other armchair, which was in front of the fireplace. He began to put trees in the fireplace and then took a lighter from his rear pocket. The fire always caused him to calm down. He lit a piece of birch bark and put it into the fireplace under the trees. Soon they will happily flare up into flames and the heat began to flow into a small room.

Kili looked around and then into Milo's brown eyes. They were almost as dark as his. The fireplace room was small, but homely. They were sitting on a two red fabric armchair, what were in front of the white fireplace. Along with, in the room was the same shade of the fabric sofa and in front of it there was a glassy coffee table. The floor and walls were dark wood, and the wall on the left was a dark bar cabinet. Kili admired the room. The whole house was gorgeous.

Milo smiled to himself. It felt nice to sit here in peace, following a fire in the fireplace to play. Only one thing was missing, he thought, and got up walking towards the bar cabinet. He opened it and pulled out a bottle of brandy. Yes! It was still there! The bottle had been here from the last time Milo had been sitting in the evening with Arez. He opened the bottle and smelled the strong odor taking sip from the bottle. The liquid was strong and bitter, but went to the absence of anything better, and he felt he needed it right now.

Kili looked skeptically his friend, asking: "Are you sure you want to drink right now?" Milo looked at him, smiling sadly. "Completely sure. Please, take you too. It calms you down." He then said and offered the bottle to his friend. Kili took it uncertainly, but then decided to drink with his friend. He smiled and took a sip from the bottle grimacing. Phew, it was pretty strong. Kili felt a burning on his mouth and throat, but then took another sip and returned the bottle to Milo.

Milo smiled and took a sip himself, he had known that Kili would agree. "Good that you were awake. It would have been boring to go here alone." He said, and then looked at his friend. Kili nodded, saying: "Certainly. How are you feeling?" Milo looked at him grimly, took another sip from the bottle and said: "Just… I don't know. I should have guessed it to end like this."

Kili nodded and took the bottle again from his friend tasting strong liquid again. "I'm really sorry that this happened. If you ever need help or chat to a friend, do not hesitate to call me." Said Kili then and notice Milo's dark eyes glittering. "If only I could go back in time to the moment when my mother called, I would return. And would do anything to prevent that." Milo said then with a sad voice. Kili nodded. He understood exactly what his friend meant.

Not even he would have preferred to resign from his parents by speaking so unkindly. He really hadn't hoped that he wouldn't see his father again. If he had known that to happen, he would have hugged his parents and told them he loved them. "Things just happen. We cannot go back in time, no matter how much we would like." He then said in a faltering voice, a piece in his throat. Milo nodded and once again bottle changed hands and the substance contained decreased.

Soon, the boys were already drunk half the bottle, and began to be a little bit drunk. They reminisced about their parents, cried, shouted and raged. The world was so unfair. Why just for them had to happen like this, and not, for example to the asshole from other class? Soon the bottle was empty and the boys wanted stronger stuff. They were often drunk to their bad mood and the night was always the same: Both of them were roaring drunk and tried to suppress the memories and anxiety caused by drinking.

Milo took from his jeans hiding pocket a small bag of white powder. He knew the corners, where to buy stuff. Arez and Fili did not know their secret. So far so good, if they had known, they would have killed them. They were no drug addicts, they just wanted to get properly festive mood and had come up with a great opportunity to suppression of anxiety: Amphetamine.

Both took a little bit of powder on the tongue, and soon the going was downright wild: They danced, sang and told jokes what were tinted with plenty of black humor. They ran up and down the stairs, larking and jumping with non-existent music. Small remorse visited Kili's mind, but he did not give it power. It was better when his older brother was blissfully unaware of the matter.

Couple of hours zip delayed and soon clock was at five in the morning. They started to feel tired and they trudged back up to Arez and Fili. The last steps were downright painful, but finally they were back in the room and fell to their mattresses. "Thank you, Kili." Milo whispered, and soon both fell into a restless sleep.

_**Authors note: I'm alive! Sorry, this take so long but I have been travelling (In Lappland) and I also had had entrance examinations to polytechnics so I needed to prepare. In the end of this month or in the beginning of next month I will know if I get there, so keep thumbs up for me :)  
Thanks for follows and favourites, I appreciate them so much :) Please feel free to tell me what you like or what you didn't like. **_

_**I know this story isn't as good as my other stories, but I wanted to try something new. I have lots of ideas with this fic, but everything is like one big mess in my head and it's so hard to get them into paper. I don't know why. Story is in my head all the time, but every time I start to write I am like "What the heck I'm doing" :'D**_

_**But thanks to you all, keep going & lots of hugs :) Love you so much 3**  
_


	4. Morning

Part. 4 (Morning)

_Kili ran along the alley. Ran and ran. Faster and faster. His father ran before him, with determined steps. Kili tried to stop him. "Wait!" He cried, and speeded up the steps. His father paused for a moment and turned to look at his son inscrutable expression on his face. "Stop! Wait a minute! Don't go!" Kili cried, but his father spun back around and kept running._

_ Car engine whined somewhere close. Alley ended and at large stone house protected Kili, when he watched how his father ran toward his mother. Brakes screeched and two cries leaked out through the air. Crash. Silence. Siren. Mother and father laid on the ground eyes and mouths open, like frozen. Kili shout and cried: "Nooooo! Come back! Don't go!"_

Kili was startled awake cheeks wet with tears. Fili was awakened again to his cry and had knelt down next to his little brother. Kili was again jumped sit because of nightmare. "Don't worry. Everything is okay. It was just a dream." Fili said with a soothing voice, and stroked the back of Kili hugging him. Kili's shoulders tremor still because of weeping.

Again! Why do not the dreams leave him alone? Kili thought depressingly. Suddenly the wave of nausea swept over him, Kili stood up retching and rushed to the bathroom slammed the door closed behind him. He threw up vigorously, at least half a minute to one tube and headache began to pound in his temples. Oh yes. They were drunk with Milo the whole of last night. How much the clock would be?

The bathroom's door snapped open and Fili came in with worried expression on his face. "Kili, are you okay?" Kili could not answer, he still continued to vomit tears in his eyes again and stabbing feeling in the stomach. Fili stroked his hair and lifted them out of under the vomit. Finally, he began to feel himself little bit better. He gasped and tried to equalize his breath holding his stomach. He rose out of above the toilet seat and pushed his back onto the cool wall, closing his eyes. The stars still ran in his head.

Fili sighed and stood up beside his brother, washed the toilet and gave his brother a piece of paper and a mug of water that he could wipe his mouth. Kili looked terrible. He was very tired looking and dark circles under the eyes tell a tale of many waked night. He wished that he could help better his younger brother. He sighed again, and knelt down again in front of his little brother. Kili smelled of old alcohol, like Milo had stunk. I guess they had to drink whole last night.

Fili sighed again and sat down next to his brother, rubbing his shoulder reassuringly. They were silent for a moment, until Fili cut off the silence: "I think you take the advisory last night with Milo? Did he speak anything?" Kili stared into nothingness and finally said: "Yeah. Yes, he spoke of something. I first tried to stop him from drinking, but I did not succeed, and then all that has happened, and – well, as you guessed – we drank all night." Kili replied honestly.

He knew that he couldn't lie to his brother. He only managed to leave a little bit of things to not tell, in order to protect his brother. Fili nodded in silence, and another wave of nausea lifted its head in Kili's stomach. He was forced to kneel again in front of a toilet seat and let everything come out.

Fili soothingly again stroking his little brother's back. Kili's hangovers had always been terrible, he smiled shortly to himself, and he guessed they will never going to change. Then he felt Kili's tremor shoulder under his hand. Kili tried to cover sobbing, but had never managed to do it. "Why, why dreams don't leave me alone?" Kili sobbed quietly with a faltering voice. Fili's heart ached to see his brother after a long time so sad.

He sighed and helped his brother out of the toilet seat, and again they were sitting their backs against the cool wall. "I don't know, Kii. I wish you could get rid of them. You're so overtired." Kili nodded. His brother was right; he no longer would take this fatigue. "What about your sleeping pills? Have they helped at all?" Fili asked his little brother and looked at the tired looking eyes. Kili shook his head. "No, they don't take dreams away." He then replied with depressed voice and Fili nodded sadly. He knew his brother, if Kili not soon would sleep, he would going mad.

He remembered the last time a few months ago, when Kili was again stay awake at least two weeks in a row. Kili have been such a mess: Laughed hysterically in between and then suddenly sunk into the huge depression, crying for hours into the tube.

Then he was indeed afraid of his brother on behalf of mental health, this was not willing to endure his fatigue, and had tried with drinking facilitate feel better. That was not any help. Kili was just awake morning after morning with horrible hangover after a couple of hours sleeping. He did not want to see any more his brother in the same shape. Previous times were sufficient just fine.

Kili's sleeping problems seemed to get worse always at season. A few months could go just fine and he could sleep away his lack of sleep, but then nightmares came back again kept him awake, night by night, and then he couldn't study at all. He was not able to focus on school attendance, and he often went out school during the day, or did not go there at all. That's why Kili probably would have to renew the current class. How I wish, that we could find a way to ease his sleep. They had tried many sleeping pills, but nothing did not work as they should.

The dreams didn't go away, and Kili couldn't get enough deep sleep. Some, however, were too strong and made his brother so groggy, that he had just slept through and through the days. In darkest days Fili had been afraid of that Kili deliberately take an overdose of sleeping pills and he had to hide them. He remembered still the terrible time when his little brother was after drinking night decided to take a "little bit" of sleeping pills and ended up through stomach lavage into a department of more than several days.

Suddenly Fili felt Kili's sweaty forehead against his own shoulder. Kili leaned his head against the older brother's shoulder, as he had always done as a child when others had bullied him, or he had just felt bad for some reason. Fili felt a warm in his heart, mixing with worry. Kili had not acted for years like this; therefore, he had to be completely worn out. Fili smiled sadly, if only he could help.

_**Authors note: Okay, again took a while, but here it is: part 4! :) Thanks for follows and favourites again. I really appreciate them, like always :) And again: Feel free to tell what you like and what you didn't like in this story. I'm very interested in to hear your comments :)**_

_**RJ: Thanks your kind words :) They made my day ^^ And answer to your question: Milo and Arez are only in start of this stroy. Milo's tragedy wakes up hiding feelings of Fili and Kili, they want to help him through this, but it's not easy, especially because of Kili have so difficult feelings right now.**_

_**Thanks to you all and keep going! :)**_


	5. Pizza and poker

Part. 5 (Pizza and poker)

It was two o'clock in the afternoon when Arez and Milo finally woke up. Arez woke up properly zappy, but Milo was little pale and looking tired, although he didn't have as bad hangover than Kili have had.

Arez and Milo trudged to the downstairs, where Fili and Kili had been awake already several hours. Fili cook pot of coffee, and soon it disappeared into better mouths. "You slept sweetly. Did you sleep easily at night?" Asked Fili like he would not know anything of youngers fooleries.

Arez replied with a smile: "In fact, at least I was so cross that I fell asleep right away when I got to bed. What about you Milo?" Milo stared for a moment in front of him like he wouldn't see or hear anything, but then replied to Arez: "From beginning of night I couldn't sleep any, so we went with Kili to fireplace room and talked there until the early morning. Then, yes I slept surprisingly well." Arez nodded. "I thought I heard voices in some time of the night. How did you sleep, Kili?" He then asked and looked to the dark young man and was shocked by what he saw.

In general, Kili was always very lively and perky, but now under his eyes were huge dark bags and he just stared into nothingness. Fili had to nudge his little brother that he would take into account the others.

Kili flinched and turned questioningly toward his older brother. "Did you say something?" He asked with a quiet voice and took another small sip from his coffee mug. "I did not, but Arez asked how you were sleeping. Indeed, I think he already knows the answer."

Kili turned his eyes from his brother towards Arez and grinned wearily to this: "Yeah, I have sleeping better sometimes." Arez nodded and shrugged sadly. "I'm sorry you didn't get much sleep, I hope next night would be better." Kili nodded to him with a smile: "Yeah, me too."

After drinking a coffee, the boys decided to go to their favorite pizza place in London. Milo seemed surprisingly cheerful under the circumstances, maybe his and Milo's night-long chat had helped a bit? Kili thought hopefully, but he thought that most of the boy's blah was only a façade and trying to protect him from the pain that silence would release.

Fili walked quietly next to his brother as they walked towards the car. What would he thinking about? Kili thought and tried to forget his headache.

Car sallied with shrieking breaks. The shriek made Kili feel sick when he remembered the nightmare of previous night. Fili should fix the brakes, just that nothing bad would happen.

The direct way changed to the city's narrow streets. Their favorite pizzeria in London was the west-side of the city, near Milo's and Arez's place. Fili drove the car to boy's place yard, knowing that the pizzeria parking lot was absolutely void, and almost always full.

The young men left the car when Fili locked the doors. He tried the lock several times to make sure it as going to. It had begun act irregularly, as well as the brake and clutch. The car should be made a complete renovation as soon as possible when the wage would come. When all was in order, he went after other the familiar route towards the pizzeria. Upon entering the parking lot, Fili realized that he was right again. The parking lot was full to the brim. He hopes they could find seats inside the pizzeria.

The young men went to check the situation and luckily found one free table. Kili and Milo rushed to book it and Arez and Fili went to order food. Both knew what the younger ones wanted to eat, so the division of labor was the apt. In addition Milo and Kili were very pale in appearance, so Fili and Arez looked anyway best to let them sit. The owner himself was on shift, so placing orders, was handily.

After paying pizzas, Fili and Arez returned to the others, and found them talking from school: "Hey Kili, if you go to school tomorrow, can you tell the situation to teacher? I can't come tomorrow, and even the whole rest week at all." Milo asked. Kili nodded, even though he wasn't sure even his own school inspiration. "Yeah, I'll tell. You don't need to worry about it. Just try to rest and gather your strength back." Milo nodded gratefully. "I knew I could rely on you."

Kili smiled at him wearily, and then turned his gaze towards his brother. "Did you order the ordinary one?" He asked him with a smile. Fili grinned at him. "No, I ordered ham and pineapple pizza with blue cheese double." Kili looked shocked, but then Fili grinned: "Well, no. I don't be so cruel. You should see your face!" Fili said with a grin and soon everyone laughed.

They didn't to wait long at all, when they got steaming pizzas in front of their noses. Everyone had already ravenous hunger and in moment only clinking forks and knives and eating was the only sound that heard. Pizzas were destroyed in record time, and then they left to Arez and Milo. The sky was cloudy now and soon it ripped. Large droplets of water fell to the ground. The boys had to run the rest of their distance that they wouldn't get soaked.

Finally there! Thought Arez with a sight, when he tried the key into the lock. The boys stepped in quickly, shaking from the cold. In London it was raining very often. They walked down the hallway of the high-rise and took the elevator to the third floor. Finally they got into boys place.

Arez slammed the door shut and threw his coat to hanger. The place was like a hurricane aftermath; Here and there lay clothes around, on the table were dirty dishes and empty pizza boxes. Dust floated everywhere and the carpets were rumpled. Noticed, that there lived two bachelors. Arez sighed; hut should clean up, but now was not the time.

Fili, Kili and Milo sat down on the boys worn out leather couch, while Arez kicked carpets stretched and gathered the dirty dishes and empty pizza boxes away from the unclean bed sheet. He threw the dishes in the sink and crammed pizza boxes into crowded waste bin, putting the stereo on and then sits next to the others. For a while all listened the music in silence and the soothing rain pounding against the window.

Milo looked at his friends gravely, but, glad that they were still there. He didn't know how to survive in the future, but at least at this very moment his feelings was reasonable.

Suddenly, in front of him, slammed pack of cards what messed up his thoughts and smiling voice of Arez said: "Milo, mix the deck. Let's play a little poker to pass the time." Milo nodded and took the cards into his hand. Well, if his father had taught nothing else, at least he knew how to mix the pack of cards.

Soon, he was ready and pushed a deck against the table. Arez shared the cards and then they investigate them. Milo found that he's got one pair and threw three cards to exchange. The first exchange didn't give anything, but after the second one, he realized that he got two pairs. Boys showed their cards. Fili was lucky and won others with full house.

They played all day and chatted about this and that at the same time. Finally evening arrived and the rain stopped, so Fili and Kili decided to return home. They remembered that their uncle would come tomorrow to visit and they should clean up, so they left the other two and went to head to Fili's car in the darkening spring evening.

_**Authors note: Okay, I'm still alive :) Here is new chapter to I will always be by your side- In good and In bad. I have working hard last month, so I haven't had time to update this. Sorry for waiting.  
I couldn't believe how hard is to translate this when you're really tired :'D But here it is now, next chapter will be soon here (I hope) and in next chapter happenings more than in that chapter. There we peep into Kili's messy mind and to that what sleepless nights can bring him. Oh yeah, I think my mind is as messy as Kili's. So don't wonder why this authors note is kind of fuzzy... Me neither haven't slept well :D  
But thanks for reading and like always, feel free to review :) Keep going & lots of hugs!**_


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